Why spend $2.95 a minute to talk to your psychic advisor, or wait forhair-splitting weeks, nay months, for Ann or Abby to get to your letter,when you could ask your question right here, right now, for free? (giftsare, of course, accepted.)

There are no rules, no guidelines. Ask what you will.. Serious questionsprocure serious answers, silly questions will be handled accordingly. Andyou know what they say about stupid questions...

There's a limit, of course, to the number of questions I can answer. Butfear not ... every question will have its day in the sun - laid bare forthe masses to ponder and ridicule. And if you dare disagree with the adviceI offer, or want to help some poor soul I've ignored, you can start athread and do it yourself (Go ahead; I dare you).

Why face life's mysteries alone? The Net is a vast fountain overflowingwith knowledge, and so is my head. But where on the Net can you ask how tobreak off an engagement? Nowhere ...

Until now ask@hotwired.com

Dear Allison,
I am a graduate student in computationaldesign (interface design [graphics]). I am currently searching forinteresting companies that might be able to suggest a thesis topic. Ihave surfed the Web a bit, and I keep coming up with stupid McWeb pagebuilding and marketing companies. I am looking for something a bitmeatier than point and grunt. Any ideas on where to go for a good mixbetween the theoretical and concrete? Keep in mind, I am not aprogrammer, I am a human bean.
Oh, and one more thing.... Wherecan I find a picture of hypnotized chickens laying on their backs in acircle on the Web?
Signed, Varion William Mauritzen

Dear Varion William Mauritzen,
I hear freelance HTML interface designers are currently pulling in about $100 an hour in Silicon Valley. Thesis Shmeesis, drop out and make some cash. (Then, maybe, we can talk.)

PS: You want pictures of chickens? You got it.

Dear Allison,
I want our Web site to have a cool registration form like the one HotWired uses. My technology guys have no idea how to do it. Does HotWired share important state secrets like that? Does somebody sell the code? Where should I turn next?
Signed, Formless in Cincinnati

Dear Formless in Cincinnati,
I should sell you the code, but anyfool can find it by doing a simple search on that crazy thing calledthe Internet.... It's mixed right in with the bomb recipesand nudie.gifs. Check out the Authorization Access Overview. There's also a tutorialbrought to you by those kids at NCSA. And shouldn't yoube doing your own research? "Technology guys." Really...

Dear Allison,
At the risk of online evisceration, I'msending you a real, live question hoping for some real, live advice.The Reader's Digest version of mystory reads something as follows. [Because of its extreme length, this question appears on another page.]
Signed, Clueless in Chicago

Dear Clueless in Chicago,
At the risk of mortally wounding yourapparently sensitive nature, I have one thing to say: get a grip.You're obsessing about a stranger, one who made you feel "like that cartoon dog on TV" at that. Now thatcan't be healthy, can it? Get the loan, buy a sporty red car,and find a woman who isn't already seeing somebody else. And Ihate to tell you this, honey, but Reader's Digestversions are condensed.

Dear Allison,
When will I get a job at hotwired.com?
Signed, Sir

Dear Sir,
When you amaze us, of course.Have you checked our HotJobs page?

Signed:

Go answer the questions, Allison didn't.