That's right, I do know. But I don't always tell....

Much to my delight, the questionshave come pouring in over the last week, but sadly, somehopeless souls out there still don't quite get it. Contraryto popular belief, I am not a psychic. While extremelyinsightful and knowledgeable, I cannot pull the name of yournext wife out of my butt. One enlightened reader went asfar as to congratulate us on our new horoscope section.

Hello...? I haven't noticed any sort of astrological-typehullabaloo around here, have you? (Although I would bethrilled to point you in that direction.)

That's not to say you shouldn't go ahead and ask anyinane or idiotic question you please. Feel free. Therest of us will enjoy a hearty guffaw at your expense. Other readers will find dismantling your query a deliciouschallenge in Threads.

I do have one note of warning for the great many of youwith serious questions about marital difficulties. This is nota forum to find out how to save a failing marriage. (Thereare professionals whoget paid a hell of a lot more cash than I do, who deal withthat.)

However, you want a smack in the face? You got it. Sometimes that's all you really need.

Dear Allison,
I think my brain is stuck in "do everything, be everything" mode. I feel burnout rapidly approaching. How do I relearn the ability to relax?
Signed, Sproe from Jupiter, Florida

Dear Sproe from Jupiter, Florida,
Ever hear of the three martinilunch? Works like a charm. But seriously, take some timeeach day to close your eyes and think "la-la" thoughts. Ordon't. Once you do hit burnout stage and you drop out of society, you'll either be so mellow or so outof it, it won't matter.

Dear Allison,
I'm the lonely-intellectual type who constantly seeks solitude in my own thoughts. Which turns out just great usually, 'cause I'm a musician and computer programmer. While solely immersed, my product quality and volume go way up. The problem is that I am a good-looking guy, I guess, though I've never really cared about my looks or what other people think of me. It's not like babes are constantly falling for me or anything, but there's this one girl who believes I'll marry her if she can pressure me enough. She has her whole family trying to get me to pop the question! It is my instinct to retreat from all forms of pressure, and, thus, I am at an impasse. The world won't leave me alone, no matter how much I leave it alone!
Signed, Daniel Shields

Dear Daniel Shields,
Dan, You mighttry something outrageous. How about mentioning to this girlthat you aren't interested? You obviously haven't told thewhole story here; there must be a reason this person thinksyou'd want to marry her in the first place. Maybe you shouldstop dating her? What the hell are you hanging out with herfamily for, anyhow? Talking to her, though I know interactingwith others is sometimes difficult for you programmers, isprobably your best bet. If you're afraid, there's always email. A simple message such as, "Iwould rather eat all the sewer rats in New York, raw, thanspend the rest of my life married to you," should suffice.

Dear Allison,
I was wondering, What's the difference between a Web hit and a Web visit? Thanks, if you can help.
Signed, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Let's say we're invited to afriend's for cocktails. When you arrive for this "visit" youcome through the door (or "hit" the door, you might say).You find yourself in the hallway, move on to the livingroom, then stop at the bar. (You have now made four distincthits to the house.) After mingling a bit with the othersophisticates, you hear that an attractive neighbor issunbathing nude in the next yard over. Interesting! You goout of the house through a side door, one that "links" tothe area between the two yards, and you peer over the fence fora while, chatting with the other voyeurs. After you've seenenough, you head back into the house, making a few more"hits" to the bar and surrounding areas. Uh-oh! A bit toomuch to drink? Better "hit" the bathroom! (and let's hopeyou hit the mark there as well, eh?) It's getting late, youdon't feel so hot, your date is dragging you back throughthe door. One final hit to the threshold, and the visit isover.

Dear Allison,
I am a college student home for the summer with a slight problem. I am taking care of my 80-year-old grandmother, dog, and 15-year-old sister. The problem lies with my younger sister. She is NEVER at home. I can't get in touch with her. I have email, voicemail, and a pager, but she never leaves a message saying what she's going to be doing for the next 24 hours or when she'll be home. How do I clip her wings (I'm responsible for her, and my mother is on the other side of the country for three weeks) without being a complete jerk?
Signed, KDC

Dear KDC,
"Clip her wings?" I beg yourpardon, but perhaps that's the problem? The girl is 15;she's at a prime age for rebellion. Her parents obviouslyaren't around, and you think there is some reason on thisEarth why she would obey you? What good isit if you have voicemail and a pager? What if herfriends, teenagers that they are, decide to go to a park anddrink cheap beer? "Oh wait," she'll say to the Cool Kids,"I'm sorry; I'm really, really lame, but I just called homeand, well, I'm not allowed." If I wereyou, I'd spend my time making sure that granny and the dogget fed and bathed. If you want to get in touch with yoursister, I suggest getting her a pager.

Signed:

Go answer the questions, Allison didn't.