Week 43 of 1995
My boyfriend goes to college in Arizona, while I goto school in Illinois. Is there some way we cankeep our relationship, even though the distance isso great??
Signed, Lonely in IL
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else cares.
I've been a looking and a looking, but I just can't find any Radio Free Berekeley stuff on the internet. Do you happen to have an email address,or an address to a RFB web page. Or, god forbid, aphone number.
Signed, NEED to find RFB!!
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
Dear Allison:What are your credentials? You confidently state "Ask me, I know", how did you get to such a lofty position?
Signed, Just Curious
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else cares.
Hey Allison,Down here in the land of Oz we have a race called "Dance of the Flaming Arseholes". I don't want to be too explicit, but suffice to say newspaper, matches and naked bodies are involved. Are there any similar competitions on planet Wired?
Signed, He who is Touched by the Flames
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dear AllisonI have a dilemma, I'm seeing someone at the moment but I can't stop thinking about this other guy, everytime I see him I feel really weird.He feels the same way but he is also seeing someone else. We meet secretly all the time but I'm afraid I can't take it much longer. What can I do?
Signed, Bargearse
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else cares.
My wife wants to move from here, where we've started our happy little life together, backto her old neighborhood where her family stillresides. But I like it here! Besides, if we stay, we don't have to put our meager belongings into boxes (possibly) never to be seen again. How can I convince her that we'dbe better off staying here where we alreadyhave lots of nice things, like jobs?
Signed, The Family Man Who Has No Plan
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
Dear Allison,I have a friend who has turned into a total bitch.She uses every chance she gets to cut me down and itis starting to bug me. Should I continue to ignoreher remarks, after all we are really close. Orshould I confront her, and how?
Signed, Can't Take No More
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
Allison, How old are you? How long has this web site been on the net? And is it possible to change your member name?
Signed, Crakers
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Allison, is that a true picture of you or what? I like it!
Signed, Buster
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
Mistress Allison:Why after being in a relation for almost 3 yearsam so bored and distracted? I can't stop checkingother people out or having fantasies about strangers.What do you recommend?
Signed, Looking the other way
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
Dearest Allison, While I have always been faithful & gentlemanly to my girlfriend, she many times jokingly says one day she may -- while in her sleep -- accidentally do a "Lorena Bobbit" on me. Er...should I feel emasculated Yet!?? (Please answer this quickly Dearest Allison!)
Signed, Stressed by the Inch!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How can I get more people to listen to my cool music?
Signed, Mental Floss
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
Dear Allison , I'm really into music, so much so that my group is about to releasa a 45 single of our music.My question is... do you want one? This is our idea of distribution.Love and Kisses from Nico's Toys.
Signed, Joey R.
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
I use a text only browser, through a freenet. Am I a bad person because I let others pay $30 a month for what I get for free?
Signed, Danny Colquhoun
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
Hey, how come I can get to all your "back issues" except the one I want?http://www.hotwired.com/95/38/index5a.htmlcomes up with an error message. Funny, I can'tremember what I did that week, either.
Signed, Living in the Past
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
do u swallow?
Signed, boogaloo
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
Dearest Allison . . .What is the most polite and/or correct way to kindlyinform the religious zealots on internet that, while they areentitled to their opinions, they do not have theright to inform me of what I can and cannot do,especially when I am doing something they don'tagree with? Your response would be greatlyappreciated. Thank you so very much!
Signed, Matt Warner
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
So when is that damned Eschaton gonna go down anyway?
Signed, the silly folks at Ameba...
Well, I certainly don't care. Do you?
Dearest Allison:Why doesn't the World boycott French stuff while they continue to bomb the shit out of an atoll inthe South Pacific ?
Signed, Jim
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, potty-mouth:Is that your real picture or are you "a guy with thick glasses and a pocket protector"? Also, you sure know a lot for being 24 years old, how'd you learn so dang much? Are you just a genius?
Signed, Dum and Dummer
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
What is the Flatland equivalent of Cyberspace?
Signed, Too Dee
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why should I ask you questions, and not the other way around?
Signed, Molotov
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else cares.
Allison,Nice wig. When was the last timeyou flipped it?
Signed, HotMod
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just wanted to know what the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow was :-).Thanks
Signed, A Dead Parrot
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else cares.
Hi Allison, I have just looked at your leftovers page and it seems that there are some VERY low IQ people using all this high tech IT. Could this be down to our minds are becoming used to allowing computers to do a lot of the things which kept us metally in trim? Or possibly this page attracts some people who can only relate to a screen and lack the art of conversation?
Signed, Peter in UK
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
What if cat really spelled dog?
Signed, Edo
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
when is the new alice in chains CD coming out. And what cool stuff is there to do here in hotwired?
Signed, Mr. Fuzman
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
Why is there brail on drive up ATM machines? Why would there be blind person in the drivers seat in the first place? And assuming a blind person could drive, how would they see to find one, let alone be able to read the screen once they got there.
Signed, Alexander Nevermind
I haven't answered this question, but you can.
Dear Allison,I like this guy I'll call "Ed", and I thought he likedme as well and would be interested in becoming involvedin a relationship with me. However, the other night Icalled Ed and asked if I could come over to visit him,and he said no because his EX-GIRLFRIEND was at his house with him. I don't want his ex to become his steadyagain. How can I win him over without making a fool ofmyself if it turns out that he really doesn't like me?
Signed, kelli dwyer@ac.marywood.edu
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dearest Allison...I have a rose in a vase on my desk. I talked to it last week. And yet it still seems to be dying.But not DRYING. It's got lots of water. Lots of love. Do you think it might be due to its being so close to an UNPROTECTED monitoremitting evil radiation into its bathwater and my eyeballs?
Signed, Roy Blumenthal ( http://www.pix.za/barefoot.press )
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else cares.
I seem to be especially constipated lately...My sister says spoons work well to fix this...What *would* you do?(Allison is too sexy to ever be constipated)
Signed, Backed up in Birmingham
Well, I certainly don't care. Do [an error occurred while processing this directive] you?
Dear Allison,I'll be visiting San Fran later this year and I was just wondering how popular is Ecstasy (MDMA) inclubs in the states?And how much is it per tab?
Signed, Sean@Dublin.Irl
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else [an error occurred while processing this directive]cares.
Dear Allison:In view of the fair and impartial,and unbiased andnon-agenda decision that the so called jurrorsrendered in the OJ case I think we should use thesame people for the Polly Klaus trial. I am surethey will come to the conclusion that Richard isn'tguilty because of the following:1. Johnny Cochran said so.2. OJ was asleep during the alleged murders!3. Richard is the victim of a hostile society.4. Richard is the victim of a broken home.5. Richard was asleep during the abduction and subsequent murder.6. Another message needs to be sent!7. He didn't have the time to do it.What do you think?
Signed, BC
Well, I certainly don't care. Do [an error occurred while processing this directive] you?
Dearest Allison,Is it bad to enjoy sex more on drugs than not on drugs. Am I insane?
Signed, indiebabe
Yeah, yeah, [an error occurred while processing this directive]yeah.
Why is it I have to continually suffer fools? It seems like all the people I admire for their intelligence have the same problem. Or maybe is it I who is the fool and the rest of the world is suffering me?
Signed, Zombie Magick
Well, I certainly don't care. Do [an error occurred while processing this directive] you?
Why when I use the windows multimedia functionsndPlaySound, after including the mmsystem headerdoes the linker show SNDPLAYSOUND not found. Does my compiler just like making up rhymes or am Idoing something wrong at my end.
Signed, Richard
Well, I certainly don't care. Do [an error occurred while processing this directive] you?
Dearest Allison, I am wondering what to get my fiancefor our two year anniversary. Any Suggestions ?
Signed, Two Year Itch
Yeah, yeah, [an error occurred while processing this directive]yeah.
Hi AlisonI'm in love, and it happened at the hair-dresser's.She was sitting there, with her beautiful, black and cruly hair. We smiled at each other. Then, just as I was about to starttalking to her, they called my name, I was about to get my hair done. Then, when I returned, she had walked out of my life. How can I get in touch with this GIRL?Any good ideas?
Signed, you want to answer this boy in great great need...
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else [an error occurred while processing this directive]cares.
Hey Allison! Where's the best place on the 'net to get infoon the CDA and other stuff like that?I wanna know but I think there's a conspiracy afoot.Oh, and what do you want for your birthday?
Signed, Daniel the Lion King (egawd, that was lame)
BFD, pal, maybe somebody else [an error occurred while processing this directive]cares.
