So, how do you all like the new background? Lovely wood paneling, don't youagree? And so wintery!

Of course, we've had some record high temps out here in sunny California. For some of our readers in otherhemispheres, it may not be winterat all, but there's not much I can do about that, now is there?

On that note, there've been a few complaints recently about my US-orientedattitude....

Well, it certainly seems strange that I would appear that way after beingborn and raised in the US, writing for a US-basedpublication, and never having lived in any othercountry.

By the way, if you live in the US, you better fucking check this out.

Dear Allison,
Do you actually write the answers to questions posted here, or are these alljust computer-generated? I've noticed a certain pattern to responses, especiallyin your unanswered questions, which are always followed with: *I haven't answeredthis question, but you can. *Yeah, yeah, yeah. *BFD, pal, maybe somebody elsecares. *Well, I certainly don't care. Do you? Are you a whole group of people? Ormaybe you just press a few buttons and a nicely formatted, adequately sassyresponse flows forth. What is the technology behind your sassy empire? Are youreal or synthetic? Do you have a brain or just a program?
- Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,
Well, of course, since I usually don't give a shit about leftovers, it would follow that I also don't give a rat's ass about following up on theunanswered questions.

Those little sentences you refer to are randomly selected. In fact,to tell you the truth, they weren't even originally written by me. My lovely editor wrote them. You know, it would bereally fabulous if I couldjust press a button andhave sass flow forth. Then I wouldn't have to suffer through all the lamequestions, to get to the few that warrant a response. But, no! I have to do itall myself. It sucks being me, don't you think?

Dear Allison,
Is there a namefor an older woman who benevolently helps a younger man by initiating him intolove and sex? I've been blessed to meet one, and have heard that this is aconventional practice in some other cultures.
- student

Teacher, sugar mama, coach, cradle-robber, tutor. And depending onyour age, felonmight be appropriate. Those are just a few. I'm sure you can think of more onyour own, if you try.

Dear Allison,
Ever consider answering these questions more than once a week?
- too impatient

Dear Impatient,
Yes. But it ain't gonna happen any time soon.... That's OK, though: delayedgratification builds character.

Dear Allison,
You said, "I wastold in school that as a girl, I shouldn't worry much about that physics stuff."How old ARE you? Was this while you were waiting for the Lone Ranger to play onthe wireless? *I* was in high school 20 years ago, and teachers who saidsomething like that would have got stuffed in the "comfy chair"! How 'bouteducation? Were you dodging the Attack from the Whole Male World too much, or didyou notice that in education, women rule? What about social sciences? Seems likecase workers are predominantly female....
- Puzzled on WHERE You Meet all theseCreeps

Dear Creeps,
Try 1988 in Silicon Valley. And back then, I couldn'thave cared less about the "Attack from the Whole MaleWorld." That was when I thought it might be nice to be a housewife and just raise kids (it still doesn't sound too bad). Youask whether I'd noticed that women rule the educational world? No, not lately....The principals of my elementary school, junior high, high school, and university wereall male. Most of my teachers were female, but do you know how little teachersget paid these days? Oh well, it could be worse ... they probably make more thansocial workers, after all.

Dear Allison,
Why is the skyblue?? If you are so smart, tell me, because I think that you are just a fraudwho gets paid to do nothing but to answer helpless people's quesions who,instead, could be seeing a shrink instead of asking a low down bum like you.
-Einstei

Einstei(n),
I believe I have mentioned in the past that at no timedid I intend my advice column to replace the regularly scheduled psychiatric visits of thementally unwell.(In fact, I have referred people to extensive listings ofhelpful counseling information before.)

Now, if you want to find out why the sky is blue, Mr. Smarty Pants, whydon't you go to your local library and look itup in an encyclopedia. I mean, I wouldn't wantyou to ask for information from a fraudulent, low-down bum like me, when youcould be out looking it up for yourself.

Signed:
Go answer the questions Allison didn't.