So many of you out there have such problems in your relationships withothers, most specifically in the dating area. (Most of the boys I knowcertainly do.) So let's spend a few paragraphs addressing the issue, shall we?

Now boys, I'm going to give you a tip here today, and if you want to go to heaven when you die, you'll payattention. When you take a woman, girl, or whomever on a date, you need to follow a fewrules of dating protocol. Most important, the post-date phone call. Thisapplies even when you've had a fairly unremarkable time and is especiallyimportant if you've had an extremely eventful time, if you know what I mean (and I think you do). You can alwayscall and leave a message when you know she isn't home; she'll understand. Butthe call must be made.

You may be saying, but Allison, Why does theboy have to make the call? What about the woman? Women can be just as insensitiveas men, can't they? And yes, you are correct, but that's the very reason youneed to use care in these situations. You know what they say about a womanscorned, don't you? Besides, most women I know are intelligent enough to makethe call without being told. 

 Dear Allison,
 I am looking for AlcoholicsAnonymous on the Web. Do you know where to find it? 
 Signed, Anonymous 
  AA is allover the Web, it seems, and with the drinking Isee these Internet folks doing, it's a damn good thing. You can find the Big Book ofAA,  online meetings, and unofficial AA pagesgalore.  If you don't like those, try the aptly named Web of Addictions.
 Dear Allison,
 What do you think about eroticfilm? Don't you think that is unmoral human being? Why some government providedthe law for that stink film? 
 Signed, Hymicky 
  Well,first off, let me answer with another question: What's up with your grammar andwriting style?  Were you not taught as a child the fundamentals of the Englishlanguage?  What would a erotic film and erotic acting, on the otherhand, are often considered art forms, protected by the FirstAmendment of the US Constitution as types of free speech.
 Dear Allison, 
 Is it considered rude to bringfood from one eatery into  another as long as you buy something from the one towhich you brought the outside food? For example, I like to get my breakfastmuffins from Cafe A, but buy juice from and eat my breakfast at Cafe B. 
 Signed, DC
  Is this the question that keeps you awake atnight? If it is, my friend, you do have a problem, which has nothing to do withyour cafe ofchoice.  Have you asked the owners of the establishments your question? Havethey ever asked you to leave? Looked at you rudely?  Pointed at you and laughed? Thrown insults at you? Ifnot, don't let it get to you.
 Dear Allison,
 I live in a small apartmentbuilding, and my roommate and I are quite vocal with our intimacy. I am temptedto ask my neighbors if they can hear us. Is there a tasteful way of doing that?
 Signed, Wondering
  No, there isn't.
 Dear Allison,
 How did you make that darlingwallpaper? 
 Signed, Pointless in Petersberg 
  Oh, I'mso glad you like the wallpaper.  How kind of you to mention it.  Someday I hopeall browsers will let their users see all the lovely wallpaper on theInternet, but alas, until that day, you can count yourself among the lucky ones.You do it by simply manipulating your <body> tags and by not using thosenasty Netscape-only tags.  You can find outall about it here.
 Dear Allison,
 You sound just like someone whoused to write a similar column here in the Triangle Area of North Carolina, onlyher name was Esther. Good to have you back.
 Signed, Still searching for wisdom inNC 
  I've never been to the Triangle Area of North Carolinaor any part of that state for that matter, and I don't know any Esthers.  But ifthat's what you think, and it makes your day, what do I care?

 Signed: 
   Go answer thequestions Allison didn't.