Cocktails ...

They're just not getting enough respect these days ... and no, I'm nottalking about your chardonnay, yourPiña Colada, yourrum and Coke (but then, who would want to talkabout rum and Coke, let alone drink it?).

I'm talking cocktails: Adventure! Debauchery! Drunken abandon!

You know, that movie star thing - back in the day when movie stars were glamorous, dashing and dignified, seductive and stately -before the Keanu and Winona wannabes took overthe world. Back when acting meant style, and style meant swank.

Cocktails.

Dear Alli-chan,
Why are sex and sex-related topics so prevalentin our society? There are so many other activities that I find atleast as enjoyable as sex. Generally, sex prior to marriage does nogood for a relationship. Is it because I haven't met the right personyet, or am I just loony? IMHO, sex for the most part has brought nogood to humanity as a whole. I think we all should have test-tubebabies. Don't you agree?
J. Hall

Hon, no. I don't agree. And, yes, you'reloony. Not only is sex fun,it sells (and it does pretty well for itself). It is the nature of allanimals topropagate their species, and as you can see from population totals, humans areconsistently making a pretty grand time of it. On the other hand,there is the unfortunate population control aspect - i.e., certain diseasesof modern times. And furthermore, in the words of someone who waiteduntil after the wedding bells, "Hmmm. I guess it might have been agood idea to see what I was gettin' stuck with."

Dear Allison,
I want to lead a regular professional life, but Ialso want to start a hacker revolution, overthrow the government, andrule the planet. What should I do? Why do I have these conflictingthoughts? You might want to help yourself by helping me with thisproblem. By the way, ever wondered what it would be like to be aPrincess?
Nilnoggen

Nilnoggen,
I have alwayswanted to be a princess,so I've thought about what it would be like quite extensively.However, the real meat ofyour question lies elsewhere. I can't tell you why you haveconflicting thoughts, but I can say, you won't be able to rule theplanet if you lead any kind of "regular" life. The ordinary men aren'tthe ones running the revolution,sweetie. And behind every extraordinary man, lies an even moreextraordinary woman. Get one to be your princess, andyour kingdom won't be far behind.

Dear Allison,
In response to the "guys hanging out" questionearlier: In my personal, humble opinion, guys like meeting many peopleand having a fun chat time. Much like women's tea time, where storiesget told that wouldn't anywhere else ... Guys do that in a bar (alongwinking [sic] at other girls), because at home it gets really soonquite boring ... most women cling too hard ... and therefore nag.
Me, I'm choosing to stay single

First of all, pal, let's get afew things straight. Not all women sit around sedately drinking tea, some of us actually have(and are) a lot of fun, even at home.(Especially at home on occasion ... if you know what I mean.)Second, in my vast experience I've found that the men who get naggedtend to deserveit. Third, You didn't even ask a question here, so get outtamy face. (See up there where it says "ask?" It doesn't say "tell,"now, does it? No.) And finally, you may think you're "choosing" tostay single, but baby, it looks like you got a long way to go beforeyou even havea choice.

Dear Allison,
I'm stuck at a BBS-site that runs Major TCP/IP forgiving me a SLIP connection. However, it isn't able to give us an FTPsite so that my friends can get files from here, and doesn't have aPOPmail server either, so I can't send binary files or encrypted textto my buddies. I've designed a Win help file that has a story myfriend and I wrote together and I want to send it to him, but none ofthe FTP sites seem to let me upload it to their incoming filefolders. Even yours :). Unless I put up some extra dough for a realSLIP connection from a service provider, I seem to be reallystuck. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated!Regards to you, yours, and the whole Wired crew.
Mark D.Simmonds (xmark@mpb.com)

Mark,
Like I care. Put upthe extra dough, get a real SLIPconnection ... and while you're at it, why don't you see if youcan get a life?

Dear Allison,
What do you think is the best pick-up line, orapproach?
Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed andConfused,
Is this is the 400th question you've asked, or doeseveryone and their brother think it's the cutest .sig in town? Eitherway, my personal approach is a secret,but, I will tell you what I like best when it comes to being pickedup: direct, smooth, and with a smile. (Keep in mind smoothness can'tbe learned - you just are or you aren't.) And remember, if you haveto ask, the answer is no. So don't waste your time talking! Just GO!

Signed:
Go answer the questions Allison didn't.