I've come to the conclusion that there just ain't enough swank onthe Web. And I want more.
I want cocktails and velvet couches. Swashbuckling actors withbedroom eyes and long cigarettes. Silk velvet dresses, seamedstockings, full-length gloves, and sparkling parties. I want moviestars with fruit on their heads.
And I want you to give it to me. Yes, you.
This is your chance: design or show me the bestest, swankiest Webpage, and win yourself a prize. That's right. This is a contest, andyou could be the winner. Check out the official rules.
Dear Allison, When I was in grad school, I posted the most boringhttp://www.sv.vt.edu/class/Student_Proj/class94/ternes/ternes.html Web pagesimaginable in a vain attempt to help people understand my master's thesis. I wasjust a kid! What did I know? Now I'm a respected IS professional. What can I doto redeem myself in the eyes of all my fellow NetSurfers? Kev, jkternes@interramp.com
aCD smellsextremely vile, and should not be attempted in a nonventilated areafor any reason. A short description, courtesy of Sven, of an actual eventfollows:
"It was one of thosemicrowaves that has the little spinning dish, and little flames wherespewing from the CD asit spun. The parts of the CD that hadthe most paint, produced the most flame. The moment the microwave wasturned off the flames stopped. The CD meltedinto the paper towel we put it on. It was very exciting."
DEAR ALLISON, I AM A HAPPILY MARRIED MOTHER OF ONE. WHY IS IT THAT CHILDREN SEEM TO BE GETTINGMORE AND MORE UNPLEASANT AS I GET OLDER. IS IT THE INFLUENCE OFTELEVISION? T.BOYD.NEW ZEALAND
Well Mrs. Boyd, I'm sure that television has aneffect on children. You can get a heaping load of unpleasant andviolent behavior just watching the evening news. But do you thinkit could possibly be that you YELL AT CHILDREN TOO OFTEN THEREBYUPSETTING THEM AND PUTTING THEM IN A GENERALLYDISTURBED STATE? Or do you just scream when you're typing?Shipmate, How do you, in this age of needing to be politically correct, have thecourage to be genuine? By-the-by, how long do you think it will takethis country to regain its sanity? Doug Dillner, LCDR, USN
Genuine,Doug? Am I? I hadn't noticed. And who says this is the age ofneeding to be politically correct? I'd say it's more the age of people beingafraid to speak their minds. (I'd bet the country won'tregain its sanity till everyone starts saying what he or she feels.)Besides, when you're wearing eyelashes,you can say anything you want.Dearest Allison, My sex life is going in the crapper. My wife and I seem to be ondifferent cycles; if she has a headache I'm in the mood and viceversa. How do we fix this problem? I trust you will give me a clue onhow to fix this. Weirded Out
Dear Weirded Out, Everybody, but everybody knows, the most effective cure for a headache is a goodold-fashioned orgasm. So getin the mood - sheesh. Signed: Go answer the questions Allison didn't.
Dear Allison,
Gee, Kev,
"It was one of thosemicrowaves that has the little spinning dish, and little flames wherespewing from the 
Go 